The term ‘family violence’ covers psychological, physical, sexual and economic abuse that occurs among intimate partners, former partners, whānau/family members and others with whom a person has a close relationship, such as flatmates and carers. Family harm and violence is extremely common in New Zealand.
Intimate partner violence refers to behaviour that causes harm to someone in an intimate relationship. Police investigations of violence between intimate partners overwhelmingly identify male perpetrators. The 2022 New Zealand Crime and Victims survey found that 24% of New Zealand women had experienced intimate partner violence.
The term child abuse is used to refer to abuse of children inside or outside their families.
Physical assault (for example, hitting, stabbing, attempts at strangulation, sexual coercion) often occurs alongside attempts to control a partner or former partner. Coercive behaviour includes limiting contact with others, monitoring conversations with friends and family, financial control, stalking, killing or hurting pets, and threatening to kill children or other family members.
Gender issues
Police, courts and social services deal mainly with cases of men assaulting women and children. However, community surveys suggest women assault their partners as frequently as men do. This apparent contradiction is explained by the fact that people responding to surveys tend to report low-level situational partner violence and focus on specific incidents of conflict rather than patterns of control or threats of violence. Also, women assaulting men are less likely to cause serious harm, whereas men may inflict significant physical injuries on women.
Mind games
Psychological threats are often part of family violence. A woman who took out a protection order against her partner after he seriously assaulted her many times discovered he had been inside her house and done the dishes. Police were puzzled that she wanted him arrested for doing the dishes – but to her this was a chilling message that he could get to her whenever he wanted to.1
Features of family violence
Family violence differs from other violent behaviour. It is seldom a one-off act, but a pattern of repeated behaviour towards intimate or former partners or other family members that has wide-ranging negative effects. Because it occurs in private, even family and close friends may not be aware that it is happening, or may choose to ignore it. This makes it particularly difficult to assess and stop.
Family violence crosses ethnic and class boundaries, and occurs in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships. It often happens in families with other problems, such as poverty, substance abuse or mental health issues.
Impacts
Increasingly a distinction is made between one-off acts of violence – situational couple violence – and coercively controlling violence, a systematic pattern of assaults and intimidation that creates a climate of fear and self-regulation.
Battered women live with fear so profound and demoralising that they can find it very difficult to leave the relationship. Their abusive partners may threaten to harm their children, other family members, their pets or their property if they leave. They often face economic uncertainty if they are in a low-paid job or reliant on benefit payments. Women who are sole parents may be stigmatised, especially if they are on state benefits. All these factors can deter women from leaving abusive relationships.
Women experiencing intimate partner violence may become increasingly cut off from friends and family, and lose self-worth and self-confidence, as well as a sense of their capacity to make decisions and exercise agency.
Women who live with ongoing family violence may develop trauma symptoms such as severe depression and anxiety. They may also use alcohol and drugs to numb their emotional and physical pain. If their partner or family member is known to the police for other reasons, they may not feel comfortable about reporting the abuse. These problems can make it difficult for women who are physically or psychologically abused to seek or accept help.
Hurting children
The impact of family violence on children is expressed in a letter written by a boy to the judge when his mother’s violent partner appeared in court: ‘I have tried to take my life because I haven’t been able to deal with the things he has done to me and my family. Sometimes I feel like I have failed my family because I haven’t been able to protect them from this man.’2
Often child abuse and violence between partners coexist. There is evidence that children are directly impacted by being exposed to family violence, and are emotionally damaged even if they are not physically harmed. Children in these situations may imitate the violent behaviour and become violent adults.
Incidence of intimate partner violence
Family violence is one of the most common forms of violent crime in New Zealand. In 2016 the New Zealand Police conducted 118,910 investigations relating to family violence. Fifty-five per cent of those who were violent towards females were partners, ex-partners, boy/girlfriends or ex-boy/girlfriends. Many cases are not reported, so these statistics may indicate just the tip of the iceberg. In 2022/23 there were almost 178,000 police investigations, with 29,299 resulting in a family violence charge being laid.
According to police figures, reported family violence more than doubled between the 1990s and the early 21st century. This reflected changes in police policy and recording practice, and growing public awareness of the problem and willingness to report incidents. Lower tolerance for family violence may also explain the growth in use of refuges. In 2015/16, women’s refuges affiliated to the National Collective of Independent Women’s Refuges received about 73,000 crisis calls and 2,446 women and children used their safe-house services. More than 11,000 women and children accessed advocacy services in the community in relation to experiences of family violence.
A troubling aspect of domestic violence in New Zealand is its prevalence among Māori. In 2017 Māori were more than twice as likely to be victims of intimate partner violence as other New Zealanders. They were also twice as likely to experience coercive and controlling behaviours. Māori women were 15% of the female population but 29% of those using refuge services. Between 2018 and 2022, 6.9% of all Māori women experienced an offence by a family member.
Other groups who are more likely to experience family violence than the average New Zealand adult – are females who identify as LGBT+ (8.2%), disabled females (6.6%), and females living in significant financial difficulty (6.5%). Those recently separated from a partner are also more vulnerable.